A Year-End Reflection from A Life in the Liminal

Last month, I celebrated the American Thanksgiving with my two sons and one of their friends. Since the end of my marriage two years ago, I have been deeply resistant to holidays. Ours is a family that loved and valued traditions – and I couldn’t quite let go of the tradition of the four of us all being at the table. So, for the past two years, we’ve found a way to combine forces.

This has had the positive effect of no one needing to have a major holiday without our sons. However, as anyone who’s ever had a relationship end also knows, it’s had many tick marks in the “negative” column, too.  My kids have reported – with accuracy – that it has felt tense and awkward. One of my sons even said it felt like there was something decaying in the room – the decomposing space of a marriage that hadn’t been allowed to burn fully to ash so that something new might (or might not) be possible.

This year, my ex-husband wisely said: let’s not. And he resourced himself with other family members, and I got to spend the day cooking and enjoying a meal of gratitude with my grown sons.

And I realized, the morning after Thanksgiving, as I finished putting away the wine glasses and reflected on a great night, what I had been missing out on by holding onto the comfort and familiar of what’s now the old. We had a lovely night, in which I got treated to my sons’ culinary talents and adventure (deep fried turkey!), as well as a way we danced together during cooking and cleaning that was as delightful as it was oddly unexpected. This is a new way my family looked this year, and even though it is likely to change without notice, I loved it. And I have taken years to be open to this delightful new version.

And as I look back on 2021 – this is meant to be a “year in review” blog, after all – I think there is a lot of resistance in our collective space to letting go of what’s old. If I had to name one of the trends among clients and friends this past year, it would be that: we are standing in a doorway, not quite sure whether to go in or out.

It was a year when planning was insanely difficult. In which finding a thread or a story to follow in the world of fundraising was close to impossible. It was a year when events were live then not, when many started to cringe at reporting any work related to Covid, since they feel so so tired of talking about that.

It was a year in which we all continued to wait to see what life would be like when this is all settled – and a year in which we started to suspect that we might have to wait indefinitely.

It was another year of the liminal.

And I hope for all of you that as we roll the best we can with the “what IS,” that you, too, can find some lightness and joy. 

Happy Holiday season to all of you, and sending love and gratitude to my family, friends and teammates on this journey!

This blog was excerpted from the Fundraising Leadership website that has year-end thoughts from each team member. To read the whole blog, please click here.