At the Threshold ... With My Hand on My Heart

I want to live my life from an ecstatic space of YES, PLEASE! To be lit up and resonant in my choices. I am learning to get there, but it’s not been as easy as I thought …

Over the winter and spring, I was looking for a new place to live.

Because I have historically been very strategic, I was armed with a checklist of all the features I wanted. I’m a big fan of gas stoves, would love a bathtub. Must have some closet space.

And I looked at a dozen or more places right away, all of which had all the boxes checked. And I found myself standing in the prospective living rooms, looking at the view (or the neighboring buildings, in some cases), standing at the (gas) stove, and thinking: I could live here.  I could.

Since you aren’t in my brain, I will explain that the tone of that thought was very lukewarm. Flat. Emphasis on the word “could.” Like: I guess I could make this work. Probably.

This is a textbook moment for people who don’t much like the word no. Who hate to disappoint people – or even, in my case, to disappoint an empty apartment. Who quake at the prospect of crossing off any viable options. People who learned to value intellect and strategy above all.

Yesterday, I was on a date and had literally the same experience. I was sitting across the table from someone who checked the boxes (a different set of boxes: this person wasn’t a bathtub), and that same historic voice piped up in my head, with the same emphasis on the word could … Like, it was a pretty good conversation. I could spend more time here.

It was me standing in a living room that wasn’t for me all over again.

This is what it looks like to make decisions only using my head. When I am in danger of talking myself into something that I haven’t gotten any confirmation about from my wise body.

What is it our bodies can tell us when we are making choices?

I’m not a huge fan of the word “chemistry” – it mostly evokes a frustrating semester in college for me – but it’s not the wrong word to apply. When we are lit up about something, our bodies know. There is ease and attraction. Warmth. My belly feels happy and calm. The excitement is at a good volume, not into the range of anxious.  There is a vibration of “YES, please,” which is very different from what it feels like to talk ourselves into something … that deeper drumbeat that, if we listen, is actually the body feel of “No, thank you.”

I’m learning to be really good friends with my belly. To value its deep wisdom.

And it’s a hardcore trust fall to keep saying no until that vibration hits.  Until we find a true yes.

When I walked into the place I live now, it was love at first sight.  It has maybe three of my boxes checked off – and I couldn’t care less. There was no “could” in my belly when I first stood at the threshold and looked inside, just a big, vibrating, YES, PLEASE.

And, there will be no second date.

What’s your body telling you about your job? The state of your relationship? What your living space feels like? Need some help learning to listen to your belly? Let’s talk.