A Stumble, A Knee Surgery ... and a Fumble for the Gifts

Have you ever stumbled?

This is me, two months after – you have no idea how much I wish I had a better story! – I stepped backwards away from my kitchen counter and tripped over my dog’s favorite stuffed bee, which felt, under my foot, like my dog’s leg.

It was a literal stumble, in which I tried to shift my weight off what I thought was a dog – but it has had me stumbling around emotionally, as well.

What seemed like a minor meniscus tear at the beginning revealed itself, several weeks later, to be a serious tear. I had surgery last week in an attempt to repair it, but that failed … and next up is a new knee.

I know I’m not the first to have surgery or face the prospect of a new joint way younger than I imagined I would. I know I’m not the first to feel like a series of dominoes are falling.

And I know I’m not the first to have the universe offer up a circumstance that has me facing some of the monsters under my bed: aging and asking for help. These were not ways I was taught, growing up, that humans could shine. Rather, being needy was more in the category of nauseating.

And this morning, my friend David reminded me about the bittersweet, tender liminal space of looking for gifts in hard moments.

David and my other partners, Michelle and Janice, practice and coach Positive Intelligence, which has us always encouraging each other and ourselves to look for the gifts. And we know: sometimes they are obvious. Other times, we must mine for them, over weeks or even years.

And this isn’t a time where those silver linings feel obvious or easy to grasp.

On the positive side, one gift is emerging, although still a bit aspirational: a challenge to receive help with less resistance, to welcome people’s help and to believe it’s an act of love, not pity.

But I suspect that some of the gifts haven’t been revealed yet, that I will have to continue looking down the dark tunnels to find the precious stones.

But I will say this: even if I don’t see them all yet, being open to the gifts beats feeling sorry for myself.

Need some tools to navigate your darker days? Reach out to ask me about PQ Coaching.