Collecting Nos: Not My Favorite Hobby

Are you paralyzed by the fear of receiving “nos”?

A few years ago, Rick Tamlyn, a business coach I respect deeply, urged all of us in his workshop to start “collecting nos” as an essential activity for anyone trying to bring money in.

At the time, I remember thinking, as one does, I’m sure this guy is onto something, but frankly, I’d rather collect chocolate chip cookies. Or photos of puppies. Or, you know, yesses.

But the real truth is that my snarky mind-meandering was actually a cover for terror. Collecting nos? The thought put me into a panic. Why would I go out looking for rejection? Why would anyone?

Many (most?) of us are propelled in our lives by fear of rejection. We don’t plan a birthday party because we fear no one will show up. We don’t ask someone on a date because we think they won’t be interested. We don’t plan the workshop because we fear the empty room.  It’s actually a place of real trepidation for most of us – myself included. We fear that if we get too many nos, it will mean losing jobs and losing face, having to give up on our dreams, finding ourselves unworthy.

So guess what I did not do even with Rick’s wise prompting?

I mostly did not go out looking for those nos.

But in the past couple months, I have, in fact, been collecting nos: Potential clients can’t find the time or money right now, it’s too close to year-end, they are busy with aging parents. My course isn’t exactly the right fit. They registered for and meant to attend the workshop, but got busy at work.

I have been ghosted and rejected. I have looked at empty rooms.

For anyone who has to ask – entrepreneurs, those building businesses, and fundraisers – it’s a wildly painful place to be. What if, I wondered, this conclusively means I am NOT enough?

But as I sat squirming and dejected in this uncomfortable spot, I started looking for the wisdom in it. Rejection sucks. Hearing no – spoken or implied – hurts.

But what, in fact, is the alternative?

The alternative is that we let the fear stall us on the side of the road, with cars racing past – as I have done many times before. We dabble in relationships or business building, one foot in and the other not. We procrastinate calling donors, we don’t get better at hobbies or finish that book. We urgently watch Netflix.

Somehow, we come to believe that infinitely holding the possibility of a yes is better than being brave.

Is that where I want to live? In the limbo of not asking? Do any of us want to stay here?

So, with a mild grimace, I want to claim that it takes insane courage to collect these nos as I grow in business. I want to do my best to proudly stack up my nos, to look at each block in the pile as something I tried, as a moment I pushed my car off the shoulder and back into traffic – and stopped letting the world race by.

I want to remember: the nos mean I am IN with both feet.

Are you stuck on the shoulder? Need some help finding your courage to survive the nos? Please reach out to schedule a conversation.