Getting CLEAN: A 2019 Intention
There are a lot of things that “getting clean” can mean. Certainly, there is an application around substance use, or not using substances that are addictive or damaging. It could address the piles and landfill sites that are the drawers under my microwave. It could be a food cleanse. And while those are all topics that are reasonably on people’s minds as a new year dawns, I’m thinking about cleaning up in a different way.
For me getting clean is around interactions. Historically, I haven’t always been great at finding my voice in real time. I might be having an interaction that isn’t going well, and I’m aware it isn’t. I have felt the agitation that comes with unsaid things or stepped-on toes, but I have chosen to veer towards safety in the moment. Instead of “causing trouble,” I might (might? Who am I kidding here, I am almost certain to) revisit the conversation in my mind, later. I might perseverate over what was said, over how it made me feel, over the many clever things I could have said in the moment…
It is becoming clear to me that the marinating in the after effects of swallowing words is probably not really all that healthy for me. Actually, it’s kind of toxic.
So my intention for this year for myself, and for anyone else who might benefit from this, is to cultivate cleaner interactions in my relationships. It might look like this:
Notice the bellyache, the agitation, the ouch that you are feeling.
Turn in and be with these messy feelings: this emotional shitstorm of agitation that’s there. Look at it. Love it for the information that is there.
In real time, ask yourself, what’s your urge? What do you normally do with it? Swallow? Pray for serenity? My challenge (to myself and others): try something different.
Speak it, vent it, explore it. CLEAN it up.
I am striving to show up without dissonance or duplicity – and this way of getting clean is an important step for me. I don’t want to expend precious life blood anymore simmering in agitation, letting something simple become corrosive because it’s scary to speak up sometimes or to invite a conflict. I was sharing a story with my son last night about a terrible roommate that I never spoke up to. My son responded, “The fact that I’ve never heard you talk about him kind of says it all.” YES! I ended up hating the roommate, and hating myself when I was around him. No relationship was possible from that place. A little conflict in the short term might have changed that.
What’s the agreement you made with the planet to be agreeable, low maintenance, anti-bitch and/or anti-drama? To carry the torch of the peacemaker – always? So this year, I’m looking for a different agreement, a new pattern: to strive, in real time, to get clean by shining a light on the mess.
Interested in learning more about MKC Coach? Contact me about a sample session.