Confessions of a Holiday Grinch

In this moment, the holiday time of year feels like an assault on me.

I know. I’ve been called a Grinch before.

I’ve got a lot of transition in my world right now, and nothing about these holidays is going to look familiar.  It’s not like I have always loved this season – I’ve long been ambivalent – but that doesn’t mean that I feel easy or facile about what “different” is going to look like.

Sometimes traditions aren’t helpful, but it is scary to let go of them. It feels overwhelming to have plans – and it feels more overwhelming not to. It’s too much trouble to decorate – and my house feels empty without any holiday adornments. Everyone else appears to be happier than I feel.

So, I’m trying to honor my raw and be tender.  My fondest holiday wish: that if you share any of my holiday angst, that you also strive for gentle and loving.

My love/hate relationship with the holidays dates back some time. A few of the major contributors:

I set a high bar for my family: gifts, meals, traditions galore.  The energy and financial outlay for it were significant.  I enjoyed it a lot when my kids were little; I loved buying chocolate and Legos. As they grew, I got a bit worn out.  I didn’t know how to redesign the expectations, and, in the absence of that skill, I did more than I wanted to and always felt exhausted.  That’s an example of not tender.

There is a dissonance between our mania and materialism and what the earth is doing this time of year. The earth is in quiet and winter and darkness. There is hibernation and quiet and leafless trees. It’s the season of night more than day. And, truth be told, I feel more like holing up than braving the Target parking lot.

I know many people who genuinely love this time of year, the beautiful decorations, the holiday music, fun trips and family and friend traditions. I love that they love it.

But for the others: be with your sensitive, be gentle with your bruises, and please find your tender.

Need some coaching this time of year? Please contact me for a sample session.